Diary of an Old Dad
Scenes, memory, family life, and the day-to-day absurdity of being an old dad.
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- Ode to Assholes
Sometimes an asshole does you a favor by making you leave. I only had to cross a couple of ball fields to find somewhere better.
- The Napkin
A fictionalized story from the early '80s, when a fraternity road trip became an exercise in terrible decisions, bad explanations, and trying not to laugh.
- Whose Garden Is It, Anyway?
I built a tropical garden, gave two Rottweilers the perimeter, and spent months trying to keep them out of the beds I'd put there.
- I Hate Everything but I Need the Money
Forty years after cheering for overtime at Andersen Consulting, I’m staring at the same old bargain: I hate what success seems to require, but I still need the money.
- Don’t Shoot Me. These Handcuffs Keep Falling Off.
Toy manufacturers spent nearly a century making handcuffs safe for children. The NBI apparently went one step further.
- One Senior, One Child, and a Two-Year-Old
At sixty-one, taking a four-year-old and a two-year-old to the pool gives strangers a small social problem to solve.
- We Weren't Going to Tell Her So Soon
Raven recognized me in an old classroom photo. Then she pointed at the twelve-year-old Korean boy beside me and asked if that was her.
- Did I Shit Myself?
A suspicious smell follows an old dad and two kids into the library, where a diaper investigation, two staring babies, and one attractive mother prove almost nothing.
- There Was No Ned
One drunk flight from Boston, one invented stranger named Ned, and a prank that kept working long after it should have fallen apart.
- A Message for Louis
Thirty years ago, Louis showed me that you can draw an absolute line without needing hatred to hold it in place.
- My Friends Had Oregano
In 1983, I flew to Hawaii with a fake Kentucky license, handed a hundred dollars to two strangers, and somehow ended the week with the stash. My friends had oregano.
- Not Satisfied
My wife remembers fish-head soup. My family history is full of people who looked at the life prepared for them and refused to call it enough.
- Supporting Characters
Most people do not get remembered the way the story says they should. A reflection on invisible help, supporting roles, and the hard peace of never knowing which part was yours.
- Google Almost Killed Us
A wildfire closure, a phone route toward Black Bear Pass, and a family pickup learning that possible and reasonable are not the same thing.
- None of Those Roads
A couch, a little blue bus, two laughing kids, and the old-dad math of regret: every smarter road would have missed the moment in front of me.
- Everything Is Not Yet Lost
A quote found on a messy desk becomes a way to interrupt the grievance reflex and return to the person in front of me.
- Sure You Will
A 1989 sidewalk promise, a friend calling bullshit, and the useful trap of saying the thing out loud before I'm ready to back it up.
- Little Tommy
A pre-internet photo cleanout turns into a fake kid named Little Tommy, a pile of mailed junk pictures, and a small experiment in how hard people work to make nothing mean something.
- The Zam Coup
A baby-name negotiation, one accidental assist from Alexa, and the quiet family coup that produced two Zams.
- The Math Isn't Good
I got the miracle. They get the math. That is not an even trade.
- A Room From 1983
The five years I spent at Purdue still take up more room in my head than decades that came after. A small dorm room, a TA who blew my tiny mind, and a memory I am no longer sure I can trust.
- The Funk That Forgot About Me
Teachers know this funk, even when they pretend they don’t. A field guide to twenty years of end-of-winter-break dread, the avoidance hobbies that came with it, and the year I learned more about Desi Arnaz than any reasonable person should.
- I'm Almost 5, Dad
Raven turned four and went straight to work on five. A walk to the park, an ant hill, and a four-year-old running a goldfish play I didn't see coming.
- Dad, Do You Love Me Enough to Protect Me?
The sales pitch will not look like tyranny. It will look like parental love with a subscription plan.
- Running Away, Running True
Regret wants to edit the past selectively. But if I pulled too many threads out of my life, I might also lose the part that matters most.
- The Wrong Ruler
Ross Perot had enough money to stop forever. The fact that he kept going forced me to notice what kind of life I thought money was supposed to buy.
- Earline's Mom
A child’s memory, a train fantasy, and the realization that I’m a lot closer to the old woman’s chair than to being young on Pearl Street.